system and control....

shit, just did badly for the the paper today. SYSTEM & CONTROL. my god, how difficult can it be? why did it not connect in my head? why ray. cause u are dumb. thats why. survival of the fittest. either u shape up or u ship out. who says army was tough, wait till u come into NUS engin. in fact i think physical torture is good. it makes u feel alive. ur body builds ontop of the push ups that u did yesterday. feeling alive, thats a feeling that i have missed for a long time. i think the last time i ever felt alive is when i step out of the C130. thats when i felt alive. cause when u toy with death, thats when u truely appreciate being alive. i will do anything to have that feeling again. any suggestions? everyday is like a battle for me now. everyday i wake up, its a brand new battle ground for me to conquer. i have to conquer others, as well as i have to conquer myself. others, i think its easy, its myself thats tough. once i settle my own shit, others will just fall into place. just like now, why are u blogging when u are suppose to be studying for the next paper? why cant u just sit ur fat ass down and study? why? self discipline is something i lack. or is it because i see that its going no where? electrical engineer. i love electrical engineering. infact system and control is one of my favourite module this sem. and lucky for me, thats where i want to specialise, power is nothing without control. u know, i always believe that only the things that u care, would most likely to hurt u the most. s & c is a module that i really like, thats why it hurts so bad now. same as relationship. same as everything else. back to the topic of going no where. where is everybody going? who can tell me what they are going to do when they grow up. haha, when they grow up, u are already grown up dear. i remember someone telling me that. seriously, can someone please tell me whether or not the things that they are studying are related to the things that they wanted to do? cause i dont really see mine. maybe thats why studying is so difficult as i grow older. the older i get, the more i see no point in doing. i spend time reading about cars and engine more than u am reading my notes combine. i religiously check all car forums to see what people are talking about recently. i guess its just study finish and fuck off. read an article in the Pioneer Magazine. it talks about this commando who went for a Gobi desert march. btw, i worked with that commando before. ha! we even attend the same airborne course lah. 10 OCS BAC. haha. so long ago yet i still remember. its all in the past now. anyway, it doesnt matter what rank u got in army. it doesnt matter how fast u run for ur 2.4km. doesnt matter how long km u walked. it doesnt matter how heavy ur field pack is. and it really doesnt matter whether or not u got RECON 1 for ATEC. it all doesnt matter, cause once u ORD, its like someone just pressed the reset button. everything is back to zero. all your records in army is erased. everyone is back on the same playing field. then another game will begin. everyone start swimming to the final destination. just that this time, i dont see a point in swimming so hard anymore. in the army yes, u need to be strong so as not to be a liability for ur buddy, ur platoon, ur company, ur battalion. u train hard so that u cover the guy next to u, so that he can cover u. u fight for the guy beside u. everyone work together as a team in achieving something meaningful. in NUS, there is no such thing. no one is ur teammate. the guy next to u hope that u are on his left on the bell curve. its every man for himself. its a lonely fight. its u against everyone else in NUS. if engin has a cohort of 2000 students, then its 1999 opponents waiting to knock u down. hai.... what a sad enviroment to be in. i went back to engine on sunday to study and guess what? cant find a place to study. CANT FIND A PLACE TO STUDY?!?! not only do u have to fight against them in the exam hall, even before that u have to fight for place to study lah! thats how bad life is like in engine. okay, back to Gobi March. yeah, i would like to do something like that, if he can do it, so can i. or some Ecochallenge or something. something to make me feel alive again. actually, one of the things that i hope to do before i die is to climb Everest. if some NUS punk can do it, so can i. in army, i learn something about my body. the strongest muscle on my body is my mind. u are only as strong as what ur mind tells u u are. so, anyone interested in such things? jio me leh. okay, before i go back to sleep, let me show u a picture of a pig fast asleeped. since this is my blog, i can basically do whatever i want except of course to criticise our garmen, or blog about some racist shit or whatever because i will get myself into trouble with the garmen. someone should watch the southpark flag episode man. it talks about racism. southpark is a really good cartoon. learn alot from them. oh ya, back to the pig. here it is, happily sleeping away on my bed. oh ya, this piggy doesnt have any exams this semester because it just so happened that all her modules doesnt have exams. oh, how coincidental =) baby, this is for u who put my ugly photos on your blog. i've always wanted to do this. heh heh heh....

and now for a close up shot. oh ya, this was taken when i was busy studying lah. imagine whats going on through my head. $%^&*(&^%$%^&*&^%^&%#$%^&*^&)(^ WTF sleeping infront of me when i am suffering #$%^&*&^%$%^*(*&^%!!!! heh heh heh....